I cheated on my boyfriend… the other side of the story

Society condemns cheating as one of the worst acts of treason. How many movies have you seen where a girl is devastated, crying with her girlfriends, hating that asshole who did that to her so that in the end she shines brighter than ever because she overcame this while the guy is usually just portrayed as a soulless person?

Girls are used to taint men, as if they were the seed of evil, they lie, they use, they are dishonest, they seem to only want to play with us girls, they dismiss us. Poor us! Who will save us?! but… do we really know what’s going on inside that guy’s head or do we just assume he’s ‘just an asshole’?

The way our girlfriends are ready to see our boyfriends as enemies, ready to tell us to ditch them the first time we cry after a fight is an amazingly immediate response. Not many people will stop to analyze the situation, not many people will want to hear the other side of the story or will want to get into the other person’s shoes. It’s funny how when I broke up with my ex, my girlfriends were beyond ready to shit-talk about him, how they didn’t like him, how he was bad for me, how he didn’t deserve me. Now, in their defense, they were complicated times, we fought a lot and I could barely stand him. You should have seen their faces when I came clean.

I cheated on my boyfriend… the one I lasted with almost 6 years and have known for 9 years already. I met almost his entire family, we lived one of the most painful moments of his life together although he says it doesn’t compare to the grieve he felt for what I did (we are comparing death vs. being cheated on). I couldn’t compare or judge.

We were supposed to grow old together, he always said we would since the beginning, we met at the university and it was perfect. He was my best friend, then the guy who I’d be a parent with, then my boyfriend, then the guy I cheated on.

Why? You don’t really plan these things, we were so apart from each other, we’d fight a lot, not for months but for years now. I was tired of waiting for him to take the next step, when I tried to push us into it he was never ready so I started to take my own steps without him like he was… let me stop your train of thought right there: No. I’m not blaming him for not being ready and I’m not saying I did that in revenge.

We were both unhappy and kept holding on to each other for almost three years but every time we were together, I felt empty and angry. I was ready to leave him so it was easy for me to not think of him when I cheated.

Yes, you could say it’s excuse; although, to be honest I can only take responsibility for myself and say the following: I should have done things right, I should have been honest with myself primarily, grab a pair and fight the unaccepted fear of being lonely and break up with him. Don’t think I didn’t try, I lost count. We were addicted to this.

I would never have thought I would be on this evil side of the story. While taking the bus, at work; I would start imagining how people would treat me if they only knew what I had done. I literally started thinking I didn’t deserve kindness or forgiveness from anyone. If I died right there and then stuck to a pole burning then that would only be justice, I was ready to accept social despair and anger. As per my girlfriends, I could sense the disappointment: that look I will never forget, they couldn’t even look me in the eye. I betrayed my gender.

To know that you’ve caused pain to another, that’s no easy burden. Contrary to what people think, we are not soulless assholes, some of us were just simply lost.